Menstrual cups and a happy vagina

When I held my menstrual cup for the first time, my thoughts went along the line of . . . holy shit it’s big. How the hell do I get this up into my vagina? Look at it!

And then I remembered I had pushed a baby out of that very same vagina, and, while in comparison to say a tampon, the cup is rather big, when you compare it to the size of a babies head, it doesn’t seem quite that large after all.

The second thought I had, while holding it in my hands was . . . shit . . . how the hell am I going to take photos for the blog? #vaginaselfie anyone?

For as long as I’ve had my period, I’ve used the ‘normal’ products. Store bought big brand, pads, tampons and liners. I had vaguely heard of a menstrual cup, but I never looked into it. Mum didn’t use one, neither did anyone I knew, so for me it wasn’t something I thought to investigate.  Well, actually it turns out I know heaps of women that use one, but for some reason (until now) it’s never come up in conversation. I wonder why not. How would that conversation even go?

“Oh hey babe how are you?’

‘Yeah I’m really good, how about yourself?”

“Oh you know, got my period, sore stomach, grumpy, eating lots of chocolate’

“Ah suckky. Hey, your vagina might be happier if you change from tampons to a menstrual cup . . . ”

However I talk about bums and vaginas a lot more than I used to now that I’m a parent, and the menstrual cup is my latest obsession. Because it’s just so fucking choice. I’m a walking talking infomercial without the photos. Which is a pity, because they would be fascinating photos of one very happy vagina.

Ziggy was 8 months old and breastfeeding 608 times day and night when my period returned. I was gutted. I’d been period free for 17 months and had been told that the chances of it coming back while breastfeeding were slim, and all of a sudden, boom! ‘Hey girlfriend, I’m back with no warning on the day you wear your pretty undies.’ Fuck. My period and I are not besties. If she was a girl, she’d be that mean chick at school picking on me all the time and throwing oranges at my head. Yeah yeah I understand my period is what defines me as a woman (roar) and allows me to conceive and all of that – but I don’t like her. She makes me hurt. She gives me cramps, she’s heavy and thick and never fucking on time. I did not applaud her return.

Happily enough, my first period was actually easy going. A bit of light spotting, a few ragged emotions, but nothing too intense. I think my body was taking time to adjust after so long an absence.  At this stage, I didn’t own a menstrual cup. I was unsure what to buy, and it hadn’t been top of my shopping list.

The first cup I bought was terrible. I don’t know if this was because of the cup or because I was a novice, but it was not a pleasant experience. The first time I used it I was hit with painful cramps. I thought it was my body adjusting to having my period again, but as soon as I took the cup out they were gone. And it didn’t seal properly, so I leaked blood all over my undies. I gave up after one day.

I felt stink – I really wanted to be able to use a cup, but I was scared after that unpleasant experience. What to do? Spend the money on a better cup which I might have the same problem with? Persist with my cheap cup? I didn’t want to go back to using tampons for a few reasons. The cost. The effect on the environment  – waste – production – etc, and because I had recently learnt about all the horrible things they put into them, and the idea of shoving Round-Up sprayed cotton up my muff was unappealing.

As a side note, I’ve been thinking a lot about a possible correlation between normal tampons and vagina issues. Because some of the stuff that tampons and pads are made with is just gross. Plastic, bleached wood pulp, non organic cotton. Did you know that the raw cotton used in tampons is sprayed with pesticides like round-up while it’s growing? We then insert these products into a very absorbent part of our body. I know many women with fertility issues, women in their early 20’s with cervical cancer, and I wonder if there’s a correlation between the two? Was cervical cancer and infertility as common before tampons, back when women used ‘rags’? Hmmmm. It’s been playing on my mind a lot these past few months.

Anyway, back to the cup, I think the universe heard my despair, as only a few days later I saw a Facebook post by My Cup looking for testers to try menstrual cups and answer questionnaires about them. In return, we would get two different cups to try, and keep. Perfect! This was me all over, I love freebies!  I had to be part of that trial. Luckily I have a way with words and my pleading email did the trick, I was in.

The cups arrived at the start of July, just after my second period and so I waited with nervous excitement for my period to happen again. I’ve never been so excited about it before.  And wow . . when it arrived, did it arrive! She was back and telling me all about it. The first hint I got was my mood. The day before was a shitter. I was in a state, grumpy, on edge. I was getting angry about things that were not worth getting angry about. I was a mess.  Volatile emotions, crying over lotto ads, moping around the house with my knuckles grazing the floor. Poor AJ didn’t know what to do!

That first proper postpartum period lasted roughly 9 days which gave me a lot of time to practise inserting and outserting my menstrual cup. It was like being a nervous teenager again. I remember sitting on the toilet, applicator tampon in one hand, instructional pamphlet in the other wondering how the hell this was going to work, and being in total awe that the ones mum used didn’t even have an applicator. The thought of a non applicator tampon freaked me out  . . . but that means you finger goes in there.  Eeeeeeew. I got over that pretty quickly when I realised how hard it was to palm an applicator tampon and excuse yourself from class. Imagine what 15  year old me would have thought about a cup!

There is a knack to inserting a cup, but once you get the hang of it, it’s quite easy. You fold it over, so it’s a much more manageable size, and then you push it in.  I found it easier to stand , feet apart, in a squat position but you just need to find a way that works for you. And once you push it in, it opens up and sits there, collecting your menstrual discharge. It’s brilliant. Of course, inserting it is only half the job, you need to get it back out again.

The first time you do this, I recommend being in the shower. That way, if you happen to spill it, you spill it in the base of the shower, and not all over the toilet floor. It’s amazing how much 15ml of blood looks like when it’s all over your toilet floor – true story – it looked like my loo was auditioning to be a crime scene in CSI. But it doesn’t take long to get the hang of it. I was talking about cups with a girlfriend and it wasn’t the inserting she was worried about – but getting it out again. She had heard you needed to ‘break the seal’ and she had images of inserting your finger halfway up your vagina then hooking it over the top of the cup, which, as well as sounding bloody horrible, seems extremely difficult.  But it’s nowhere near as hard as that.

Squat down, push a bit, your body helps expel it, then pinch the base of the cup between your fingers (which breaks the seal), and pull it out. Without spilling it!  I wish I could do an instructional video for you all, but I doubt you really want to see that much of me . Google people, Google is your friend.

I’ve been using the menstrual cup for 4 months now, and it’s getting easier and easier each time. I no longer take it out in the shower, I’ve mastered the art of taking it out in the toilet, tipping it out, wiping it with toilet paper, or waddling to the bathroom for a quick rinse then banging it back up in there. When I have my morning shower I’ll give it a wash before reinserting, but you don’t need to go crazy and soap it up every time you take it out and put it back in, the idea of the cup is to minimise the crap we put into our bodies.

It’s much less hassle than a tampon. I change my cup twice a day, morning and evening. It lasts overnight with no leakage, and it’s so comfy (I found the short stem nicer than a long stem) that I’ve actually forgotten I had it in. There is no ‘heaviness’ to it like you get with a fully laden tampon. There is no bucket of nasty sitting there next to the toilet. And unlike a tampon, you can use it past the end of your period, it doesn’t matter if the discharge stops, it’s not doing your body any harm. Unlike a tampon which is not very nice to pull out if it is still dry, a cup feels the same whether it is full or empty.

My last two periods have been a breeze in comparison to my normal cycle. I’ve had no cramping. None! Do you know how amazing it is to have a period without period pains? And my period is getting shorter and lighter – two days of a decent amount of discharge and then a few more days of colourful mucous.  With the cup, you see everything that comes out of you. You can see the colour, the texture, the volume. It’s fascinating. Again, some people think – ewww this is gross – but I’m a mum, we mums have full on conversations about the texture, colour and consistency of baby poo. It comes up in many conversations. We even send each other pictures. So my own body discharge in a cup is not going to make me queasy. But hey, you don’t have to look at it, you can just tip it down the toilet, close your eyes (after you’ve tipped it or you’ll spill it everywhere) and flush. But I bet you won’t. You are going to look. Then you’re going to tip it out on the shower floor and watch the pretty patterns it makes as the water swirls it down the drain.

I am a menstrual cup convert.  I wish I had known about these a long time ago. I wish we were taught about then in sex-ed, or that my doctor had suggested them when I was having such terrible period issues, instead of just putting me on a stronger pill. I wish periods were not such a taboo topic, and it was easier to talk about them openly. I want all the women in my life to give them a go. Or at least give it some thought.

I have one important bit of advice to impart before you embark on your menstrual cup and happy vagina journey. When you get your cup, the instructions will say to sterilise it in boiling water for a few minutes before use. Please make sure it’s cooled down before you try to insert it. Do not rely on your fingers to gauge temperature, fingers are tougher than a vagina. Make sure that sucker is cold. Or you will burn your labia, and it’s not a pleasant experience.

You’re welcome.

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